Not a Poem but an attempt at a song - unfinished

I am trying to write a song and always looking for new ways to evolve. To be honest, I do not like the idea of being public with this, and would prefer constructive feedback from someone closer, but unfortunately, that never seems to work out. Anyway, the point is, is to get feedback, so here I am. Additionally, I am more into the Leonard Cohen style of writing, than any other type.


So, the following is a recent attempt, and feedback is welcome. Bear in mind this is much unfinished, but I need to ensure I am on the right track. So have at me, and show no mercy. Thanks!

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Who do I tell my secrets to
the landlord or the carpet
the heavens or the bars

Is this my evolution, or my poverty
the absence of a memory and
deprivation as a novelty, of time.

Who do I tell my secrets to
which ravish at my mind
A hooker in a window
or a prostitute with collars
wrapped in wafers and red wine.

My Life

Submitted for One Stop Poetry - One Shoot Photography Sunday (Picture Prompt)! 24 April 2011
Photo by Greg Laychak

How far I’ve come
but that’s not me
down this narrow hall
which peers.

I stoop
to get a better look
was it a race
did I win
where are my friends.

An effort to discern
clearly…
I’ve been left behind
forgotten
now bound - to mind.

My life
pressures I did bear
wilting
I sit alone
now wishing ...
I were anywhere
-
but here.

I Could

Unsure -of what to do
without a plan
both feet planted
I stand.

I could call,
knowing the other end
will only ring.

I could write,
but I’ve lost my vision
what would I say
I’ve also lost the will.

I could wait
but I do that already
and only for so long.

I could crumble
tumble to the ground
then lay - crying
without a sound
but after, what would I say.

Better that I stand
just still
unwilling to demand
I have no plan.

If I could, I would
I don’t think she understands
all the will I have
remains
within her hands.

Astride

Submitted for One Stop Poetry - One Shoot Photography Sunday (Picture Prompt)! 17 April 2011

Photo by James Rainsford

My thoughts, deep

I sit astride

to contemplate these tides
of time

Focused on this state of blue
hand to chin -
unsure of what to do…

A piece of me - is missing
like a well, void of wishes
just hollow, in-between.

Such pitted moments afloat,
on this sea of land
with burning heart, which melts
through shifting rocks, of sand.

If I could only stand,
with two feet firmly planted
I’d ram this twisted state,
deep into my mental breach
point my cannon out to sea
and blast away these worries
watching, as they’re washed away.

But I’ll just sit astride, a bit
when all these worried thoughts, are gone
I’ll just simply stand...
and walk away.



Leap of Faith

Submitted for One Stop Poetry - One Shoot Photography

Sunday (Picture Prompt)! 10 April 2011

Photo by Lauren Randolph.

A leap of faith

within confines

while tethered

to the ground.

I jump!

With effort, I float

pined….

in my virtual cage

surrounded

by my hope.

Dried and withered

trying… to break free

through concrete

and….

across my vision

I can see

The colour of life

and the greenery

with…

a leap of faith

life begins

just beyond the trees.



Lonely Thoughts

Sheltered,

I stand - and watch

with overhanging thoughts

…reaching out

extending…

well beyond my reach.

Loneliness appears

in single pains

each framed,

dripping… with my tears.

A salty brine

mixed…

then washed away -

in time.

For Cherie aka. @Sahrazad528 on Twitter

Soft ground and silken hair
a moment - stopped
she whispered…. to me there.

An eye, a look…. a sigh
she reached across
with arching thigh…

I realized, it was her
supporting me
when she became a blur
and I,
bending, to her will.

Tears dripping

Tears dripping down my soul
filling pockets full of sorrow
clenching hands, day-to-day
and tomorrow.

Does she have to go
are you okay -
No… no…
I’m just waiting… for the rain to stop
- inside…

She doesn’t have to know,
So I’ll say goodbye, and then
I’ll be fine…