Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Riding Rails

Jumping cars and riding rails
down a track or two…or three
All beginning, on the
metaphorical farm, of life - or
perhaps, just within me.

Baggy pants, thoughts and tramps
Graveled throat and dust
A campfire, spirits,
freedom roads and lust.

Beans and Billycans,
Flowers for the man
Standing on a soapbox
On my corner of the world
Doing what I can.

Switching tracks, crossroads
No turning back
Riding rails, with parent’s dreams
like cold steel, pressed against my back.

Now here I sit,
Riding rails, grey hair on head
Parents long gone, both dead
Sitting back remembering,
What each one had said.

Funny thing,
being out there on my own
All I wanted to do,
Was turn around, and take the first track
All the way, back home.

Nonetheless, I forged ahead
Freedom of the metaphorical rails
Taking Life’s tracks instead.

But with all that said,
I made my way,
despite my rights and wrongs.
I rode those rails, sang those songs
And fell in love, along the way
With life, and just the way it is.

Monday, December 20, 2010

We’ll Be Fine

In the middle of time, everything stops
Two hands dancing, between the time
and the clock
Third wheel spinning still.
A slice, half part me, the other you.
Can this be true?

Midnight divides us,
Worlds collide at the strike of dawn
Separated by Greenwich Mean and you
Stuck in the London Tower of mine.
Watching time, our heads on a pole,
life’s end of day, crossing from this side
to the west.

If I could hold you, thighs to thighs
Hinged between the time, and eyes
Embers of your light of day
My darkness stripped away
Like numbers on the face, of time
Slowly passing, as each moment ticks
this is my sublime, these mental tricks
of time and mine.

The motions of clock, and the
mind spinning round and locked
With jumping hands from me to you,
and kisses on the face, places moist with grace
In-between the time of you and me
We’ll be fine, in the middle of this moving sea.

When everything stops,
Two hands dancing, between the time
and the clock,
we’ll be fine, just you and me, and time.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

An Old Stone Well

An old stone well
Stained water, deathly brown
reflecting back
shimmering ~~~, from my past
…eerie still, as I peer down.

A single tear
Salt from eye to mouth
this briny taste, fallen over time
waiting, for a ripple to appear.

Leaning over, a sickly draft,
gagging on a cry,
wafting up, this stench of past
of an escaping, echo sigh.

Slipping past my lips
down the mossy walls, which I…
built high, over the weight of time
now dripping,
these hollow stone piles,
deep within my mind.

Looking, into this old stone well
with creaking, rusty pump
spewing dust…,
into an empty bucket...
of thoughts,
left chipping at the crust.

One step back,
And up I look,
A refreshing breath, I took!
This well, is old - dank and cold,
It’s the sun I need in life.

Breathing deep,
I walk away,
Never looking back,
At that old stone well
Where I once choked, and sat.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Shoes that Walk

I put on my shoes, and they began to walk
Down a path, listening, while I mumbled and
talked.

They never heard the rain, nor the splash,
they just continued to walk, and simply walked
on past.

Flopping shoelaces, never tied in a knot,
Strings attached, like forget-me-nots,

Always dancing to stay out of puddles,
Listening to the tune of me, as Iwalked about
and muddled.

The soul bared the brunt, scraping the earth
Worn down by the salt and the girth.

Splitting seams, of these tightly worn shoes,
tongues wagging, as if they knew - smiling in mirth.

Focused on the miles ahead, bent with arms
swinging to an unsteady pace, unsure of my
tread. I marched on as if in a race.

Reaching a peak, I sat on an edge, not sure what
to do, so I looked down instead. And there I sat
stuck, like some gum to my shoe.

Unsure what to do, I sat there and I thought
about you.

The miles we’ve walked, now baring our soul,
although a bit weathered from the heavy toll.

But, there’s comfort in that, in these worn old
shoes - who have seen it all, as we’ve walked,
on these midnights strolls….

….and listening to these wonderful talks, in
these shoes that walk.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Mirrored Look

I looked up, to see him there
Not twenty-paces beyond my stare
Hidden in a crowd
With all the other blank faces.

Him blinking twice, was all it took
Drinking in, then shrinking from my look
I reached out, and I reeled him in
With a piercing stare and my glaring hook.

Wrapped around my little finger
He tangled in the air
I thought I’d wait…
and make him linger -
Just because he thought,
that I would never find him,
while he was standing,
looking in my stare.

A crying boy, with a withered grin
In the market, by the square
But twenty-paces looking on
That’s where I saw him,
just standing there.

In the window, with a glare
A little peek and a haunting stare
It was him - he was waiting
Hidden in a crowd
With all the other blank faces.
Just waiting for me…
to stare, into the pain of window
A mirrored look, he drew me in
with a piercing stare and my own
….glaring hook.

A Heavy Chest

A heavy chest
I cannot breathe
with this weight
this weight on me.

So heavy, but you just
don’t take the time to see
all these bricks
piling on top....

One, by one, by one... by one
heavier, with every single
crushing brick.

Every breath, I take – so thick
Air filled with straw and mud
clogging me – each breath
a resounding thud.

Listen to the air expel,
what’s left, is nothing
nothing left to tell.

You’re crushing me
I cannot breathe
if I could only take a sip
a resuscitating moment
sucked between my lips.

A heavy chest, of bricks
on me...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Raining Room

Standing, in the middle,
of her raining room,
thoughts fall,
like droplets of life,
crashing to her floor.

A thunderous wave
these emotions, of
the moment and her day
as she is swept
into the sea…
and away.

On bent knees,
tumbling, in the breeze
of life, upon this very floor
… of strife.

Her sails set, full of wind
but dragging her
this life, has been.

As water flows,
beneath her,
soaked within the core,
lying in this puddle - crying,
not willing anymore.

Shriveled,
dried and dead
tears upon tiers
piled too high to shed.

This woman of the ages
with smiling face above
drowning on the heels of man,
while standing,
at the water’s edge.

She puddles in her thoughts
…. and life.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

15-Stories Down

Before I knew, I was looking up
from 15-stories down
I sat still, upon the cold hard ground
and frowned - unsure, what I had found…within.

I clapped my hands, no echo heard
what a hollow sound, was that
then I heard, a little peep, of a murmur…
or a cry; then I realized…. It was only I,
from 15-stories down.

Do I frown, or cry, or say my goodbyes
for surely, I must have sinned…
but where do I…begin?

Was it one or two or five…; I’m still alive
maybe, seven, nine or ten…
hmm, that’s it, always thinking within.
Dammit all, it must have been…
eleven, twelve…where did I sin.

But here I sit, without a clue,
unsure of what to do…
the only thing, is to find a step or two
Hell, that’s what I’ll do…
I’ll find a way, from here,
all the way back to you
from 15-stories down.

On the way up, I wondered if it’s true,
Well sure, I’m always thinking from within…
But did I, did I really sin?
I guess it doesn’t matter now, as I have
a beautiful place, with a balcony and a view.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I Wince

I wince, when I think of her sadness like a
throbbing pain of a deep sliver embedded
within me, I quiver, shake with each ache
she feels.

I endure her pain, with an intense fever, which
burns my very heart, singeing my passion and
blackens my mood.

I can’t control it; this is how I feel. Her depth
within me, is so deep so entrenched, that I must
trudge through what crosses she must bear.

Do you understand this, can you feel this - my
passion of her despair. Can you see this love -
this love on a different level, beyond the years
of life? Can you even imagine…

Imagine my heart; imagine her pain of life, her
days of thought and breath. Now throw this ball
of unimaginable pain and fury into the air, let it
glow in its madness…

Let the fire from within her, build, bursting in
tears. This heavy ball, which is driven from her
and into my chest…, weighing upon my heart,
burning into my helpless being, my useless
words - as they cannot help her. Then imagine
how I feel, how I feel…how I feel.

I wince, because that is all I can do. I wince,
because I want to feel her pain, I want to take it
away…I want to take it all away.

If I could die on this day, knowing that she
would be free for life - I would die… I would
take all her pain, and wrap it in my arms, hold it
as tight as I could, and suffer with a smile on my
face.

Some may say, that is too much, who can bear
such madness, such love, such passion. I say
too little, too late; my job, my love for her, is to
suffer, and hers is to love…and to love freely.

I want to wince, I need to wince; this is all I can
offer her, I can only give her my heart, as my
words have no real meaning, but my heart is for
life - this life I can offer.

This life, I wince for her.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I Remember Them

Hell rising from the sea, with
churning swells of bellies and steel beasts
spewing raging storms of heat
piercing cries of overlord beseeched.

They ran the beaches with pounding feet
friends left, not but three feet,
amongst the frothy deep, of the channel sea.

Left to prepare the landings of despair,
as the heavens weep; all this bleeding life on
foreign streets, so very far from home…
as mothers sent their boys, no choices left, they
faltered, falling to their knees, thinking - stop
this bloody madness… please.

Up the Scheldt, to flooded lands, boots wet,
muck of mind, with drowning sorrow not
knowing what they would find.
These men of yesteryears, fought struggles, for
the hearts…, of those people they never knew,
with their tears, muddy on their cheeks, and
like them on their minds… and souls.

Trudging on, not so very long ago, they made
a difference, which we now know; and I
remember them!

I remember them.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Close my eyes

Draw the bow across my heart
with dancing fingers
sliding strings alive, my ears
lovingly abide.

I sit and close my eyes
listening to the tunes
just off to my side
floating through the air,
removing my despair.

A gentle voice, a soothing choice
of notes…, which filter across my way
worries, sliding off, dissipating
like dew on a summer morning day.

To quietly sit, not to fidget or fit
no mental strategies or wit
but a single moment for me
to wash away all my worries and
chaos of the day
just to sit and listen for a bit…

So draw the bow across and sing
use your dancing fingers
to gentle pry apart
those withered strings upon my heart
to make my ears come alive and lovingly abide
as you wash away my worries
while I sit and close my eyes.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

They don’t know

This is not truly a poem of sorts (in the sense that I am more of a traditionalist - sort of (smile)), but more a group of words expressing some feelings.
----------------------------------
Have you ever lost a love
perhaps a friend or two
ever-felt despair…
so deep and dark; it’s true
they don’t know; it could be you.

Ever think that you’ll never recover.
Ever think that you are the forgotten
person in a long line of lost souls; it’s true
they don’t know; it could be you.

Have you ever done a job so deep
and outside the norm of society,
just because you believe in our society…
to the point your life and those lives of your family
will and in most cases be forever changed
yet you do that job, because others wont
and you do it with pride; it’s true
they don’t know; it could be you..

That’s what we do - that’s what I did,
that’s what I live; it’s true
they don’t know; it could be you..

Eyes Washed Out

Bang!
Did you hear what I said?
BANG!
Imagine that instead
A coffee, a bagel, and a life
How did your day begin
How did mine end.

Picture perfect night
stars in sky, clear as day
then a brush, painted white
across my sight - a haze
fog, deep and thick
eyes washed out
thinking I’d be sick.

Unsure of the enormity
stood lurching, back and forth
grasping to steady life
thinking quickly, left or right
… unsure what I would find
but knew
best get out of sight
best I get this right.

Then I feel a prickle…
at the base of my hairline
going all the way down
…to my spine.
Knowing then, that life had changed
forever, in a day -
I’d never be the same.

Bang!
Did you hear what I said?
BANG!

Then a brush, painted white
across my sight - a haze
fog, deep and thick
forever, in a day -
I’d never be the same, with
my eyes washed out
walking through life in a daze.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Taste the fear

The earth raised beneath me
logic was unclear
the only thing for certain was,
that I could taste the fear.

A mile away, I just can’t say
I turned to see my home
remarkable, still standing
a vision, made from stone.

No pain, nothing…
but unsupportable loss.

Flung through the air
slowing down the motion
with plenty of time to stare.

A man can be reached
when clearly in the breach
a quick reflection of the soul
then becomes a primary goal
especially,
when sounds begin to screech.

Then it slipped away
all the air was gone
leaving me at bay.

Choking, spitting spewing
left sitting in a hole
nothing left around,
but little chunks of coal.

Inflating breast
to expand command
no point in sitting there
with nothing left, worth a stare
didn’t really give a dam
just being honest with you there.

The only thing for certain was,
I couldn’t bloody well hear
but I sure as hell could taste the fear.

Languish

Dizzy - walking off the line
like a heavy fog
I no longer see the signs.

Through the gate
like an off kiltered weight
balanced undefined
swinging…on hinges
unfocused in my mind.

A creak, a groan
an occasional moan
left with cornered thoughts
while sitting all alone.

Languishing with visions
in this palatial mind
compartmentalized
broken and divided
filled with echoes never heard
nor words defined.

In this mind, I languish
and pine away…
yearning for a life I bought
with my underpinning thoughts
besotted and with fears
as I languish in my ways
for those much more
simpler days.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

SHATTERED

You stood glaring
through a glass plate window
watching from behind.
Then you shattered me
and walked on by
knowing you’d be fine.
A distorted life
of rippled panes
thinking...I would never
be the same
I should have seen
the signs.
I was but a platform
for you within a bed
never understanding
all the pains you caused
while standing on my head.
Everybody suffers
but why'd you take my soul
it wasn't yours, but mine
now I have no choice
I’ll have to find rewind.
You know you did
you shattered me
choked me with your shards
but like you, I’ll find a way
to spit you out
discarding what you say
and unplug you, from my mind.
Then I’ll walk away.

Monday, October 18, 2010

This fattened bowl

Written for Potluck Monday – theme; 7-sins (http://www.jinglepoetry.blogspot.com)
========================
This fattened bowl,
but a juicy peach in life,
ripe with everything,
within hands reach.

All is mine,
they shall not touch,
greedy bastards,
they have so much.

But I have a harem,
 if you will,
a craving, a pleasure
such succulent delights
for those minutes,
when the yearning strikes.

I’ll lounge about,
and drink it in,
who are they to say I sin,
I devour life, and always win.

I’ll be the talk of town,
the rest, those fools,
those clowns,
they can all watch with envy.

But beware,
if they choose to scorn me,
they shall despair,
my vengeance, like a viper,
swiftly through the air,
and my wrath....
they shall bear.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A Bell Rung

I draw my hand down,
upon the tower’s rope,
a flicker of my eyes
a chime of hope.

Upon the bells ring,
upon the first note,
releasing thoughts
as the echo’s float
down the sea of walls
bouncing through…
the hallowed halls.

Reverberating sounds
like a weighted crown
heavy in my throat
the words sinking, a deathly
feeling, of growing bloat,
wrapping round the corners
a moat between the castle drowns.

Once rung, the twist of fate, like
a chickens neck be wrung,
it cannot be undone.

The voice of chimes, have struck a wall,
compressing, swinging round to
pummel me… is all
swooshing back, throughout the lanes
hitting me, with tremendous pains.

I draw my hand down,
upon the tower’s rope,
now left to deal with all the notes,
…the chimes,
which have left my mind.

Free floating, ever on the winds
of time, never under my control
or thoughts again;
no longer mine….
these chimes.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sand

I lay there, feet in sand
hands buried in thought
turning grains of time.

Eroded bits, slipping
off my mind, grumbling
to the dance and pounding
of the age-old waves,
as the sea rushes in.

Ticking, one single grain
slipping through, my fingers
quartz crystals,
the hourglass of time.

Drenched in brine
white foam, flushing mind
pockets underneath,
collapsing, by one piece…
a grain at a time
slithering away, with the tide,
backwash of the sea, and mine.

I lay there, feet in sand
hands buried in thought
turning grains of time.

Life, washing thoughts back to sea
giving time back, by
polishing my soul and me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Standing tall

A young man, a soldier,
one leg torn away
teetering in the lobby,
of the downtown hotel
… that day.

Balance, mind and body
all astray,
he heard a noise
and quickly turned away.

He fell, sliding to the earth
on the hard lobby floor
fucking leg; he yelled
what a bloody curse.

They all rushed,
not sure what to do
then across the room,
a yell was heard;
Stop! Leave him where he is,
and everything went hush….

The man walked over,
looking down he said;
Your badge, is the regiment
that I was in….

Do you need a hand,
or would you prefer to stand.
Struggled to his feet,
nothing to be heard, not a peep.

Sweating at the brow, he made…
he made himself, stand tall.
Putting out his hand, he said
Glad to meet you sir, the pleasure
is all mine; and thank you,
I’ll be just fine!

The pleasures mine young man
I knew you’d want to stand
tall and proud,
not needing our helping hand.

Standing tall, a nod, a wink
how life changes in a blink
regardless, what you think.

Then a smile between old friends
it seemed.
Regardless of their ages, been
they both knew what they’ve seen.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Power of Music

Inspired by a true story, as told by a WW 2 veteran: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-hywQEWwzY
=====================================
I was scared
frightened, like the rest
questioning,
could I make the grade
could I pass the test.

Trenches cold,
frozen feet, mud, rain and sleet
determining, the test of time.

If I peered, just a glimpse upon
would he shoot, shoot me dead.

They, my friends,
told me not to play,
if you do… that’s it,
this will be your day.

I thought a while,
then thought of him,
the boy on the other hill,
just like me - but still…

I pursed my lips,
parched of throat
took a breath, then played,
Lily Marlene…
a love song, for my enemy,
just a boy, a man…, just for him.

He has a mother, father, sister
brother too,
no different than me, or you

On the morn, a call went out
who played that song
a prisoner, sorrow shouts
he wants to know,
with a whisper in his throat.

I couldn’t fire, you made me think,
my family and my wife to be…
they all need me…

My hand shot out
gentle as can be
shaking his
with glistening eyes
sobbing soon to be…

He’s not the enemy,
he’s no different
than you or me.

The power of music

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Crimson Tide

Slipping beneath, a crimson tide,
evidence we wish to hide
under the beauty, of an evening’s sky.

Dark clouds, gather - brushing in
pastel colours, filtering overhead… the sin
still… motionless, fading,
is the pleasure within -
one fights, one sin’s

Do you ever feel cold inside
digging deep, looking
for the warmth to hide
your frigid thoughts abound
… then abide.

Swoosh, as the waves come in
tossing, twirling, pulling
as the tide goes out
crimson, is the spot
as darkened clouds gather
watching from above, seeing
where the soul was bought

One man walks,
the other…. whispers secrets, to the sea
with blackness all around
he’s been pushed….

Red sky in morning,
the old sailors warning,
holds the beauty of the tale
washing ashore, in the sea no more
One man talks,
the other off to jail.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Just Listen

Please - please listen,
just for this…one moment…
listen…..
I ask nothing more…
but listen

Shhh, please…shh….
listen - listen…LISten
Dammit!
ahhhh - Just Listen - …listen…please
please…

Listen to my heart
that’s all I ask - listen to my heart
listen to it beat, feel it beat
it beats for you, always you… just you

Give me your hand…please
it’s okay, look…
place it here - on my chest
just listen….shhh, listen
can you feel it - it’s you
it beats for you

Tell me - what do you hear….ahhhhh…..
yes…it’s my heart - my heart
….my heart - it’s breaking -
it’s breaking….

It’s breaking….for you

Just listen - just listen

Can you hear it now

Its breaking apart…for you

please....

just listen

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Flat and simple, then

I showed this poem to my wife, but she questioned why I had chosen to bracket the “k” in [k]night.  So I thought I had better explain this poem, which may or may not be a good thing, as I prefer others to come to their own conclusions, regardless:

This poem is about young boys, dreaming about being soldiers - knights in shining armour and life as a child being much simpler at that age. The reality being much different, and the knights of old, soon turns to nights of fighting dragons of a different nature...
=================================

The earth was flat and simple
young, in heart and mind
perils but a book to read
not a thought of mind.

Swords were swung
games played
[k]nights, were shining still
amongst the quiet, peace and calm,
of the youthful thrilling flames - of life.

The village of my heart
was Strong
built upon the bones
of youthful dreams
mortar, still spilling from the seams

A story from days of old
not but 30-years ago, were told
when the earth was flat and simple
and the perils, nothing more, than
a chin, filled with childhood pimples.

Far before the fanciful dreams
when my [k]nights were young and bold
of fighting dragons and dancing with fire
were the stories, wishing to be told.

Now the [k]nights are rusty,
creaking from the strain…, the
misery and…. the bloody rain.

Brick and mortar long past gone,
thatched roofs pouring in
struggled to maintain
a withered village of the heart,
now pumping, filled with pain.

Peaceful are the [k]nights no more
fanciful dreams, now filled with gore
to lay my head upon the floor, and think…
of when the earth was flat and simple
bringing calm to the village of my heart,
and peace to my [k]nights mind, when
everything… was flat and simple.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Afternoon sail

Listless ~~ floating ~~
upon the sea… arms spread wide,
expressionless, that’s me.

Driven, from the dock
into the pounding hail,
crashing waves, flat bottom dory bails
water deep, knuckles white and cold
piercing cries, cutting through wind…
blessed those, that live without sin
upon the sheets of sails, and the blue back fins

It’s a splendid day, for an afternoon sail.

Slender mast, spars aghast,
tearing sails, which support the blast, from
bone, chilling wind…. coming from up North
No whispering to be found
on the open deck of this vessel - sea bound.

Fat sails, men with buckets…Bail…bail - bail…
creaking decks, searing stout arms, tearing muscle and limbs
blessed those, that live without sin
upon the oceans with the blue back fins

Black as night, 200-miles off the coast
waves galore, smashing, pounding…sinking
thrashing peaks of white, grasping men on sight
like a ghost ship, drifting…off to sleep
upon the ocean floor so deep,
no saviors to be seen

Listless ~~ floating ~~
upon the sea… arms spread wide,
expressionless, that’s me

Waiting, for the tides to take me home
to my wife… and family
It’s a splendid day, for an afternoon sail,
with nothing but darkness,
peacefully surrounding me,
and the now calm seas.

Monday, September 13, 2010

CAMARADERIE

For all my fellow soldiers – regardless of country; for those who lived and especially for all those who died.
=============================

I faltered in my step
hesitate, is true
youthful inexperience
painful memories to

We laughed and trained
all is fun, yet not games
but we – new
that within a day or two
everything would change
this ... we knew – to

Nervous grins
hiding fear
bravado, at its best
we...we, were no different,
from the rest

I faltered in my step
hesitate, is true
but not for long
as our friendships grew

Camaraderie,
a special bond
born from piss and shit, and blood
What a bloody mess..., it was
but this bonded us
if you were there, you’d know
simply, just because....

Now, those days are long ago
yet never far away
the fear you see,
is always, very - near to me...

Regardless, of those days or nights
long since passed, or just
the other night, from last
it’s the lads, you see, and
there enduring...
Camaraderie

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Swish Swish swish

Second poem today of real life events… what an interesting life I lead… okay you can stop laughing now. Fine keep laughing…it’s all good :-)

===============================
Walking merrily along one day,
I thought I heard a noise

I stopped and glanced about
but heard nothing,
as I poised

Hmmm I thought,
strangest thing is that

Pitter patter off I go,
down the lane again.

Swish Swish swish

What the hell is that, I said!

Did you hear that?
Well yes I did, said my dog
looking at me funny.

Squinting eyes, I look about
peering at my shoes.

Nothing there I think,
and off I go,
swishing down the street.

Well, that’s it I said,
surely a joke am I, as I spy about.

I lift one foot, then the other,
nothing I can see, but me
standing like a fool, in the middle of this city sea,
with people all about.

Swish Swish swish again.

What’s this all about.

On the bottom of my shoe you see,
was a two-way piece of tape,
sticking to the ground,
then sticking it to me.

Old woman of Nagasaki

This poem is a true reflection of an event, which took place in 1988, during my 3-days stay in Nagasaki while serving onboard HMCS Terra Nova.

==============================
Off the ship, towards the pier
briskly walking, trains are near

Viewing map, excited and confused
silently, a hand in mine
old women, my muse.

Like a mountain, above the rest
I stood 2-foot taller, no mood for jest

She held my hand, no menace felt
peering straight ahead, mind in doubt

Shuttering stop, doors so wide
peering out, wishing I could hide

Hand on back, she pushed me out
pointing straight ahead, not even a shout

On the platform, their I stood
looking back, she knew I would

Wrinkled face, stooped of stance
giving me a second chance
yet I knew in a single glance
it’s me, who felt disgrace
never loosing face, she smiled and waved goodbye

In that moment, I nearly cried
realizing the impact, of all who died

I took the moment, still as death
looking down the street….
visualizing, what lay ahead

Listening to the sounds around
hearing screams…43-years of
nightmare dreams

Slowly walking to the park
no peace of mind today
my heart was crumbling
fraying at the seems

A statue up ahead, was seen, pointing
at me, or so it seemed

Looking left and right, then all around
looking at the ground, I had nowhere else
to look… but up….
500-metres in the air
I couldn’t fathom, such despair

Another hand reached out for mine
this time a child, how sublime
Little uniform, crisp and clean
giggling little children, an outing to be seen

Teacher pointing camera,
30 kids, surround…
statue and a fountain, in the backdrop
as I look around.

My thumb begins to bend
pain shooting through my hand and then
smiling little boy, standing by, holding on my wrist
he began to twist.

I smiled and looked about, looking for a friend
gently trying to remove his fingers
before he broke my thumb, but then.

Realizing this pain, I could withstand
little by little he twisted my hand
standing in the midst of them
I looked at him, and gently urged him on
my eyes focused on what he felt
dealing with the pain he dealt
I knew he had a right, to twist and bend my hand

Pictures taken, all have gone
thumb is swollen, throbbing pain
soothing knowledge gained
the old women on the train,
and the little boy who caused me pain

Standing by the statue, still - pointing at me
telling me, asking me - reminding me

She held my hand; with such loving grace,
piercing pain on that little boys grinning face
it was I who felt disgraced.

Walking back to ship that day, it seemed so very far...away
I met the Captain, on the deck, peering into space
he asked me how I was, and I said;

I’ve been humbled, and put in my place.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Ever wonder

Did you ever wonder,
ever ask why,
ever just sit,
ever just cry.

That’s what I do.
Then always wonder why.

Ever wonder,
if its them, or her,
or you.

Never looking,
not really caring,
so we say.
It’s easier that way.

But deep and dark,
the bellows call,
sighing with the pain,
bouncing thoughts
off every wall
some even with distain.

Did you ever wonder
… just once

Did you
ever ask why,
ever just sit,
ever just….

That’s what I do.

I know longer ask why.

I just sit and cry…

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Just her and I, and me

We used to sit,
underneath the tree.
Just her and I, and me

Summer nights,
seemed so sweet.
Innocent and bright,
as we sat underneath
the lights.

Upon the grass,
leaning against the poll,
my mind would whirl,
of thoughts of her and I.

Just me you see,
in my mind,
of her and I.

Oh, too laugh and play,
they were grand old days,
Just her and I, and me.

Under that lamp,
leaning against the pole,
dreams were made,
and told.

I held her hand,
sweaty, and cold,
but the warmth, was
unmistakable, the movement
young and bold.

Her eyes, oh…,
how they would twinkle,
starlight’s in her soul.

She made me feel so good,
lighting up my dreams,
everything I did,
she said - I knew you could.

Winter came and days went by,
only choice, was to sit and stare,
and watch our dreams go by.

Days, and months and years,
fly by.
I sit and wonder why.
I should have asked her then,
rather then say goodbye.

Now I sit and think,
poor me,
it could have been,
Just her and I,
and me

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Silver Moon

Like a silver moon
watching time disappear
the midnight flame of life

Dancing in my mind
of thought
distorted by the light

She slipped behind my
armoured shell
attacked my heart and mind

Plucking strings
like a banjo man
on the front porch keeping time

She struck a chord with words
crashing through my skull
battling emotions
waves against the hull

Like a silver moon
watching time disappear
the midnight flame of life

Head pressed against the door
braced against her will
She whispered through the crack
I’ll be waiting for you still

Like a silver moon
watching time disappear
the midnight flame of life

She’s had her days
and will not get in
until the morning rises
and the sins are washed away

Like a silver moon
watching time disappear

She’ll simply fade away.....

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Tattoo’s

In the evening sun,
the drum beats,
calling them home,
soldiers feet, tapping
rhythmic thumping
like a heartbeat.

The motor whirls
needles vibrate
the beat of the drum,
gliding, piercing,
pigmented into the skin

Like a machine gun
raking across our flesh,
pounding ink into the soul.

The priest blesses the soldier
the tattoo blesses the skin
magical protection
warding off demons of the night
of the mind, within

She remembers.

In the evening sun,
the drum beats,
rhythmic thumping
inking her skin

Circles of life
enveloping and protecting
her soul

Stars, for the heavenly bodies
to navigate safely through
the celestial stars of our universe

Numbers - numbers…
like the beat of the heart,
in time with the drum
to count the souls

Like the soldiers
tapping there feet
called home
to the tattoos
evening beat

She remembers

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

She played too long

She bides her time
at her will
knowing, I sit beneath her sill
Waiting, waiting - waiting…
always still

Games of minds
fun to play
when other side, has no say

So smart of her
whimsical and play
never thinking
damage of delay

She bides her time
at her will
knowing, I sit beneath her sill
crushing hearts
piece by piece
I fall apart

So smart of her
or so she thinks
not realizing of
the heart she sinks

I’ve sat so long
my love is numb
the game she played too long

I look about and see the sun,
and stand to stretch away
the pain within my heart
because of her
those thoughtless ways

I simply walk away
and part

She played too long
and now she’s broke my heart

Friday, August 20, 2010

Eyes open

My eyes opened
wide and wild
I stilled my heart
held my breath
wanting to expel
night thoughts

Fingers cling to sheets
stabilizing my world

Close the shutters
to my soul
Don’t breathe
still.... Be still...
flow backwards
like the ebb of the tide
washing away the night
cleansing the beach
clearing the debris
of dreams

Reclaim the moment
strip the darkness, and
regain your light of day

Eyes open
safe
heart stilled - calm
sigh of breath
aching bones
expelling death

Alive

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Breathless

This poem speaks of many elements from my past; both emotionally and physically. 
==============================================

I ran the length
a trench
within my mind

Shattered thoughts
strewn about
never would I find

Motionless, as still
as fear
breathless
death was near

Crawling now
along the pit
water deep to lips
gasping, listening
motionless
breathless,
fearing that I would slip

Without a breeze
no thoughts to cleanse
a mind, so deep in mud

Lay within the trench
I dug,
breathless
gasping for a nudge

Monday, August 16, 2010

Steel cogs of emotions

Emotions, like steel cogs
they appear invincible
spiked projections
to scare away
bad thoughts

Always turning
grinding, churning the
remains into a liquid pulp
within my brain, and
wearing me down

Steel cogs gnashing together
like a tight jaw at night
headache, sore teeth and gums
grinding away the molars of wisdom
to flat surfaces of
fractured desert plains
like my thoughts,
scattered on the wind,
no substance left to
hold them to the surface

Each spiked cog,
digging in, and engaging others
in a motion, which test the battle of wills

They appear invincible
these emotions of mine
but wearing down
with each turn,
time after time
after
time

Saturday, August 14, 2010

When the wolves howl

When the wolves howl, at the moon
I listen
I am awake

It’s when they howl in my mind
that I wish I were asleep

My mind is my refuge
I am a romantic
I am dramatic
I am an insomniac
I simply am

Who I am

The road ahead

The road ahead
went Left and Right
a fork to challenge my mind

Amongst the avenues of life,
you see, determines who I’ll be

One to everywhere,
the other to nowhere

Live or dare,
life or despair
the road doesn’t care

Hurtle forward down this path
open eyes wide shut
then your bumps are
someone else’s obstacles
not your own to overcome

Tunnel of darkness
sea of freedom
life or despair
the road doesn’t care

The road ahead
goes Left and Right
A fork to challenge
your mind

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Everything will change

When I woke up today,
I knew, today was the day.
Today, everything would change.

Lost in thought, in life,
for so ever long.

What happened,
when?

I don’t recall the moment,
but I recall every moment afterwards.
who could forget,
nothing has happened since.

Nothing to remember,
just moments in time,
lasting for an eternity,
or so it seems.

No matter,
today is the day,
today everything will change.

That damn clock,
if the hands would only move.

They must be stuck,
they’re  always stuck...

I’ll just watch it for a moment.

Did it move - did anyone see it move?

I felt my heart beat.

It must have moved…

I’m tired,
tomorrow will be my day,
you wait and see.

Tomorrow, everything will change.

Everything - everything will chang…..

everythi…..

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Some Tweets & Treats - Part 3/3

When one is tired, low of spark, they reach beneath the skin, the bark. Choose a focus, strong of will, move forward or be still
-------------
In our land of OZ, the strings are pulled and curtains drawn. The man behind the shadow, yawns to be free.
-------------
Coloured flowers, with their stalk, picked upon my walk. Beauty on the table seen - yellows, pinks and Greens
-------------
The sea which I sail, is of the mind. Its expanse as wide & deep as any ocean. The experiences just as calm or rough as the wind blows
-------------
Etched upon the landscape of my heart, is your soul like a footprint imprinted in time for all to see
-------------
My head spins, lungs heavy, gasping for clean precious air of her, those moments necessary to breath again
-------------
In the valley of the heart, richness grows tall and strong. But between, runs the river of life, treacherous, with rapids unseen
-------------
Sometimes I don't understand, she confuses me, she hurts me, without meaning. I try, but she hides, she smiles, she’s sad. I can only wait
-------------
My heart aches when I think of her. Laughter, life, pain, moments long ago. Thoughts and talks, good and bad, it's become a blur
-------------
woke tired, edgy, & out of sorts; my belly swam about & frothed. Mind a whirl of thoughts. The day began, twisted and in knots
-------------
One day I woke, my head was gone, somewhere in the clouds. Lightening, struck, then thunderstorms, unlike my usual norm -wine
-------------
The clouds are dark, rain is near. My heart is closing this I fear. Yet up ahead I see a light, my love is standing, ever bright
------------
Cicada, shrill and droning, after dark, transparent as his wings do hark. I to, vibrate as do you, my love, after dark
------------
A little boy, a stick or 2, some bubblegum upon his shoe. A clean & supple mind does he, but then when he turns 17, oi!
------------
Sadness in this field of grey, between the ears the bellows and the bays: the steady and the stay. The mind at play
------------
Upon the morn I hear a song, a bird or two or three. Beauty little flying things, which I think just sing for me

Some Tweets & Treats - Part 2/3

I watched as he exploded.. mesmerized by the red mist driven from his crumbling shell. His lifeless form beautiful in heaven, gone from hell
------------
She held her hand against my chest, and rested her cheek upon my heart. She was my soul, my pulse, my life. She was my love.
------------
I need to think, to understand, to trust and to believe again. What value do these words hold, if the person in front has no value
------------
I looked towards the sky at noon, and all I seen was blue. To look within my heart is yours, and to know that all is true.
------------
I can feel her caress my skin, she quietly whispers, yet I cannot hear her voice. I listen - she is the wind.... My sail is full.
------------
Words crash against my skull, like waves against a ship. The hull may buckle, but the mind will hold as the sea rushes back to distant shores
------------
When the rain falls in my mind, can I dance between the drops, or drown while dancing for my life?
------------
Everyone looks for answers; I think time is better spent looking for solutions.
------------
As a youth swimming against the current of society was exciting. Now a ripple can present a challenge, but nothing is insurmountable
------------
She cornered me/ she upset me/ she broke me/ she made me think/ I to have a heart
------------
It hurts/ the emotions/ the jealousy/ the seduction/ The Love
------------
When I kiss her/ I feel love/ her love/ we entwine/ we resonate
------------
Tears ran down her cheeks, like a summer shower on a steamy afternoon. Then they were gone. She smiled, like a ray of sunshine
------------
Her lips were divine, sweet and succulent - rich! Like heat rising from the jungle floor - mesmerising and primal
------------
Soldiers at night/ knees bent/ cold steel/ plunging depths/ of fear
-------------
The bell rang/opened to my heart/she walked in/stayed awhile/then we part
-------------
Slipping into the shadows, partially exposed. Slender higher vertebrate, ready to dispose

Some Tweets & Treats - Part 1/3

On Twitter I am the RefugeInsomniac; I was recently asked to post some of my short tweets in one location, for a friend who does not use Twitter; so here we are :-)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

lost between the needle & thread, sewn into the hem, & worn bare. Hidden beneath the skirt amongst the folds of life, I lay unnoticed
------------
I get lost in this world, when the lights go down - till morning rises, upon fair town
------------
Pounding feet/ to a jungle beat/ the setting/ African sun
------------
The passion/ the intensity/ the dance/ of life/ my heart beat
------------
Gray sky / swirling clouds / wind sweep/ plain above / beauty in / design
------------
Teetering on / bottomless chasm / into darkness / we fall / beyond
------------
Within the shadow lurks the soul, deep within beyond control. Master of illusion still, mindful of his skill.
------------
Shifting, blending, marshalling thoughts ~ slipping, twisting, body of knots / love
------------
Day ahead / tired bones / melted mind / thoughts alone
------------
Magic moments shared between, linking hips, lips, sweat and sheen. Pleasant touches, afterthoughts, life partners till we part.
------------
New love / impetuous passion / parting avalanche / Armoured soul
------------
2-cents / words speak / silent thought / nations weep

NOTE: this tweet sparked the poem “2-cents then”
------------
Sky above, moon below, switched between, each scene, we go - tumbled life, upside down, spin around, our world, and you.
------------
White Doves of the sea, spirits of sailors lost. Watching Neptune's flock, as caps crest the bow's, they watch…
------------
Imagination is practiced / when rain comes / the thoughts disappear
------------
Leather mind, hard to bend, needs a chewing, softens then. Gums, teeth, and spittle, may help this mind to bend just but a little.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Cicada after dark

Cicada, shrill and droning, after dark
Transparent, as his wings do hark.

I to vibrate after you,
my love, after dark.

To hear the flutter of your beat,
the meaning, and the passion,
desire, and the heat.

Upon the countries, warm you rest,
as do I, my sweethearts breast - her bliss.
Her heart, her passion, and her kiss.

My heart, like wings, transparent to.
I shrill and drone, not unlike you.

Reminds me once, when we were two.
The passion, and the heat, like you.

Transparent as yours wings did hark,
the flutters and the sparks.

I vibrate after her like you,
upon the midnight dark.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

So it seems

A step beyond, the valley green,
just ahead, not yet seen.

Lays what just might be,
or so it seems.

Down low, through the stream,
flowing rivers, with many dreams.
Intersecting planes of life,
rooted in the slopes around.

Slithering, always, helplessly down.
The difference in the level seen,
or sideways point of view,
of what just might be.

Two ends of a rope, which tug at me.
To stay, or to go, will it be friend or foe.

A step beyond, the valley green,
just ahead, not yet seen.

Lays what just might be,
or so it seems.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Two-cents then

They laughed, ran, jumped and prospered
fortunate in the life and land they chose

Transparent pose, was Crystal Night,
World aghast, some seen fright.

Foreboding vision, future held
know one broke the horrid spell
Nations lost their heart, do tell

Windless podiums, uttering sounds
two-cent worth of expulsion, and repulsion

Political correctness, perhaps its start
Loss of nations, valued hearts

When they realized millions lost,
wasted time, deadly cost

Two-cents of words, by each nation then
equal four and six, then TEN

Grouped in numbers, strengthens men
should have spoken two-cents then.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Swallows even me

Twilight, soft and diffused
daily thoughts become confused

The blackness of the night you see
swallows even me

Breathtaking from the heart
building caves, deep and stark

Vagueness begins to loom
thoughts of day turn to gloom

The blackness of the night you see
swallows even me...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Deep within

The brow creased deep,
seeds of doubt sewn within.

A tapestry of life woven
by hardship and by design.

Colourful threads intertwined
warped upon the walls of the soul.

A pictorial of life;
consisting of a distinctive character.
Rich and intense,
like deep purple, strewn against
an evening sky.

Life’s seeds thrown into a garden.
Discarded like shocking sketches upon
the pages of one’s life.

Deep within,
saturated, with luminescent worries,
growing wider and as deep as the
furrowled brow upon the face of a sorrowed life.

Deep within,
lays the heart of a lion,
a majestic soul, and
a painful past of worries
long held tight upon the breast.

Deep within a tapestry of life,
held by a worn threadbare mind.

Deep within, deep within

Deep within

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Days ago

A portrait of life you see
turmoil ridden, lost at sea
German wine and French BĂ©arnaise
Jumping Frogs and twisted days

I tumbled down a stair or two
while looking back at you

Intoxicated and besot
I wobbled round and drunk allot
those twisted tortured days of haze

A portrait of a life you see
not always what you want it to be
German wine and French BĂ©arnaise
Jumping Frogs and twisted days

Many days ago.

Friday, July 30, 2010

She drew a circle

She drew a circle upon her arm,
a closed and thoughtful mind within.

A tunnel view or a mind askew?

To breach the walls to enter the realm,
deep within the circle,
to reach the helm.

A fortress mind, of thought and skill
Years of living, tight within.
Always searching - where to begin.

Circle the wagons, circle the thoughts
No one enters, no one leaves
she is left, but does she grieve?

When the circle closes,
does it lock everyone out, or
does it lock her in - only to spin,
only to shout.

Do we stand off to the side,
always willing to abide.
Her thoughtless ways,
not meant to harm,
not meant to charm.

To breach the walls we try and try,
only left to sit and cry; she knows not why.
She only cares for thoughts within.

If I walk away today,
will she circle the wagons, and circle her thoughts.
Will she justify, as have and have not’s.
Will she care, or will she wave.

Will she open her circle,
and willing to save.
Not just her, but me the brave.

I can only breech the walls so far,
then I tumble, then I scar.

Close your mind, or close your will,
I fear it’s you, who will end,
by sitting still.

She drew a circle upon her arm,
a closed and thoughtful mind within.

I hope she sees the wisdom,

I hope she lets me in.

The soul of a child

The soul of a child makes the man

A weathered face and a steady hand

Words of wisdom from a generation

A father, a son, a grandson and on…..

An inspiration

A lifeline and a lifecycle

A generation past, a future infused with history

Was when all this began

A weathered face and a steady hand

The soul of the child makes the man

Nights are best to crush their hearts

Hearts are best crushed late at night
When the soul and mind are at their weakest

Set the course, slow and steady
Inch toward your final goal - show no pity

Slip between the conscious mind
into the heart you’ll find

A soft spot just below
Where feelings often grow

Nestle deep, and wait your stay
Soon will come your vengeful day

Light the spark, and spread the fear
Judgment day is near

Pull the dagger, words go deep
Splay the soul, tears they’ll weep

Nights are best to crush their hearts
Just beware, as yours may part.

Thoughts of the mind

To delve into my mind
is like looking into a bowl of rich melted chocolate
glistening, gooey and inviting.

Temptation to dip a finger into,
to taste the richness.

Are the rewards sweet, or
are they bitter to the palate of the mind.
The warm velvet sensation envelops,
like chocolate on the finger.
It slowly curls downwards,
dripping with temptation.
Succulent and inviting.

The heat of your mouth,
like your mind wrapping and savouring...
Imagining the depth of pleasure within.
Finally exploding with the caress of knowledge,
the mingling of minds, and
the beauty of thought.

Thoughts of the mind.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Weight upon my shoulders

A weight upon my shoulders, like many soldiers bear

An unforgiving pressure, often with despair

Many a fraught, with unclear thoughts

To a life within, we always swim – drowning close at hand

And people viewing from the side, who judge us ...with distain

Yet they sit in bars; discuss world scars, as we, they think so vain.

We hold our rifles steady, still - no matter what they say

For we bear the bloody weight in life, to end we finally come

Regardless of the outcome, we knew the total sum

You walk amongst are youthful days, then hoist the weight we bear

Then come talk to us, and tell me your despair

Cheeks won’t turn, as yours once did, but shoulders will be squared

And hold you with such gentle care, despite your once disdainful stares.

Unlike those who judge from side

It’s we, who have walked these roads, who always will abide.

Magical Mind of Mine

Oh Magical mind of mine
It dances and sways to its own mystical ways
Oh magical mind of mine

Many days its straight and narrow
others, like a swooping sparrow
spins and turns, with many thoughts
drastic highs, and lows to die
this magical mind of mine

Why can’t you see, what’s inside of me
not what’s lost on the sea of me
don’t focus on this mind you see
but the bigger part of all of me

Oh, this magical mind of mine
this wonderful mystical sea of me
my mind is only part of me

This magical mystical fraction you see

This magical mind of mine.

The Light Shines

The Light shines on my window,
with each waking day.

Yet my nights are scarred by memories,
but who am I to say.

Dust has settled, and my eyes have cleared,
its the fog that worries,
as it rolls in near.

The spray splashes,
as dawn appears.

When my eyes open,
the light removes the fears.

The light shines on my window,
but the night is near.

The dust has settled,
but it’s still not clear.
Who is far, and who is near.

Each waking day, the dawn appears,
Let it wash away those midnight fears.

As the light shines upon my window.

Shadows

From the shadows peers my past,
round the corner up at last.

Twinges, flashes, sparks, and ashes,
deep within the shadow passes.

Fire burning from within - glasses tipped, full of gin
while old men sitting often grin,
knowing well, the turmoil in

Shadows hidden for the day,
glowing embers close at bay.

Twinges, flashes, sparks, and ashes,
darkness full, then the clashes.

Hollow nights, begin to swallow,
surrounding madness, cold and hollow.

Twinges, flashes, sparks, and ashes,
Morning rises, and shadow passes.

Numbers

Numbers here, there, not everywhere.

Most see voids and spaces, yet I see clear.

Sudoku puzzle, mind I fear – others consider to unclear.

Mental struggle always near, just to verbalize so others hear.

Life behind some eyes we see, not always, what we think to be.

Lives Apart

Lives apart, worlds between.
Golden moments seldom seen.

Heartache over years gone by.
Changes never made, but cried.

Then upon angelic song.
Deep of soul forever long.

A glimpse of what, expected been.
Aches the heart and soul - no sheen.

For ever quiet truth be told.
Gripping terrible, life must hold.

Dust to dust, with time between.
Glimmer of hope for new awakenings seen.

But as it stands, its just a dream.

Across from me

Upon the seat across from me
she sat with nervous smile you see
feet upon the window sill
mindful of the coming thrill

Checking numbers up and down
listening to the clacking sound
the train rolled on and into town

Missed the number 5 bus
looking at the two of us
off we strolled, bags in tow
up the road across the tracks
leaving all the trains and clacks

Dam Square came into sight
through the crowds, sun was bright
finally Spuistraat at the end
NH City Centre round the bend

Rooms of One then Two and Three
in the streets just you and me
shopping madness but not a spree
miles walked with many a thought
talking always but little bought

End of day and back was sore
following blindly, what’s the score
then we see it off to side
grinning broadly, feet a glide

Coco’s Outback in the door
Fosters, Cider feet on floor
life is good this day more
ending at the airport door
dreams are fading nevermore

Nervous smile with a gentle sigh
not hello, but goodbye

Words we spoke

My heart was torn upon your soul
you wretched it from the depth
if the only promise you had kept
in the bed where we had slept

The morning sun and gentle breeze
twilight moons, oceans and the seas
gentle caresses – weak at knees
thrashing heart and clinging pleas

Lies beneath the autumn leaves
colours changing as you please
solitude and respite
drunk upon your very sight

Meaning what I ask you now
as I flow upon the street
I only ask you ever keep
the words we spoke upon our meet.

Twenty one

I filled the space between the words
with Inner thoughts, seldom heard
I sang the songs to keep away
Crimson mind of bloody days

When I was twenty-one

Then she came from in the shade
To fix the life that I had made
Why don’t you tell your story to me
of things you never say
I’ll listen to you
I want to hear
you know I do, I promise you

Because I am twenty-one

You’re one day up and two away
it doesn’t matter I’m here to stay
At some point, you need me close
You know you do, and so do I

My earth trembles when I hear
what you did so far away
those things you never say

Because of days when you were twenty-one

So put your heart in my hand to stay
Together we’ll try to find a way
Lets fill those spaces which words can’t say

If I were twenty-one